I never wanted to write this post. Over the past year that I’ve been blogging, I spent a lot of time wording my posts so that I would never have to write this one. But here we are. It’s going to be a bit of a rambling one without saying exactly what is going on, so if you’re not up for that, get out now.
Sometimes life is really, really difficult. And then something happens that makes it so much easier and happier and on the bad days you go, “At least I had that. Without it, this day would have been lost entirely.” And things as a whole are so much better because of it, and everything seems so much easier to deal with.
I’ve been through some pretty tough times in my life. There have been ups and very low downs. There have been days where I wouldn’t have made it through without other people and there have been others where I brought myself through it. I’m a strong person, and I always have been. I’ve had to be.
But this feels different. I’m at a loss right now. I feel like I’m in a dream, and I want to wake up from it.
Sometimes I feel like I’m walking in a daze, and I don’t know what to do. Other times, everything seems fine and just like normal. I don’t know which one is worse.
Life moves on. I put the dress back in my closet and I’m so grateful that I didn’t buy a new one and that I hadn’t taken mine to be altered yet. I removed the emoji from my phone. I’m trying to be grateful that there are all of these financial things I don’t have to worry about now instead of being upset that I won’t be in Florida in 3 weeks. I turn on the radio just to change the station every song and listen to commercials more than music. I’m trying to be happy that I have so many friends who love and support me, which was reinforced this weekend. I’m trying.
I never wanted to write this post. But I also knew that I had to, because writing is how I have always expressed myself and dealt with difficult things. And while I do keep my life private (to a certain extent), I don’t keep it entirely secret.