Lifestyle Uncategorized

Each Day Is a Battle

If you’re looking for a post about staying positive while having a chronic illness/pain condition, you’ve come to the wrong place. If you’re looking for a happy lifestyle post, you’re in the wrong place (although that was the initial plan for today’s post). This is going to be negative and I’m not going to apologize for it because this is my life and I don’t want people to see what my blog and think that I’m always positive about living with arthritis. Yes, I try to be most of the time. But there are plenty of times where I’m not.

Living with chronic illness and pain sucks. There’s no other way to put it. It just really, really does. I’ve been in pain every minute of every day for 13 full years now. I’ve had 4 ankle surgeries. I’ve dislocated my knee at least 4 times. I’ve spent over a full year of my life on crutches. I’ve seen over 20 doctors – primary care doctors, orthopedic surgeons, ostopathic doctors, chiropractors, rheumatologists, and even a neurologist. I was a patient at Children’s Hospital of Boston’s pain clinic. I’ve been in and out of physical therapy since I was 10. I’ve had 5 or 6 cortisone injections. I take 20 pills a day and have infusions of chemotherapy once every 4 months.

I’ve gone through a lot. I’ve dealt with a lot. I deal with a lot.

Matthew 5 3

I accepted a long time ago that my life would be pain and doctors and medications forever. But somehow I found myself in the middle of a cycle I thought I was done with: the cycle of doctors telling me that they have no idea how to make my pain better because I’ve already done everything I’m supposed to do.

I dealt with this cycle for my ankle when I was in high school. After my second surgery (March 2006), I ended up going through a few years of doctor after doctor and no answers until my third surgery (January 2009), when they put a camera in my ankle and finding a whole lot of messed up stuff. Then, even though I went through the arthritis diagnoses problem in the spring/summer of 2010, it was a very short period of time and I had an answer fairly quickly. Now I find myself going through that awful cycle with my knee.

The physical pain I feel on a daily basis from my knee alone should be enough. But then you add all the emotional pain that goes along with doctors saying that all you can do is what you’ve already done, and there’s nothing they can do, etc. It becomes overwhelming and upsetting and simply too much to handle.

I don’t really know how to end this post. This is how I’m feeling right now. I had a doctor’s appointment on Monday with an orthopedic, and that appointment really upset me. I’m feeling extremely discouraged right now. I have a second opinion appointment in a few weeks with someone else because I just simply can’t accept that there is absolutely nothing they can do for me other than hope that my arthritis medication magically works better this time around.

This week has just really reminded me that this can be a battle. I battle my arthritis each and every day just by getting out of bed and trying to live a normal life. Sometimes the arthritis wins. This has been a week of that. I’m just not really used to the arthritis winning the emotional battle, as well. Unfortunately, it seems to be winning a lot of that recently.

Kate Mitchell battles arthritis on a daily basis
All happy before my doctor’s appointment because I have high(er) hopes for my immediate future. Hopefully I can bring back that state of mind.

7 Things People Forget About Me | Self-Publishing Series

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8 Comments

  • Reply suburban prep

    I can relate to the pain felt on a daily basis.

    June 26, 2014 at 1:19 pm
  • Reply Brittney, Breaking Free

    Im sorry you're dealing with this, and its okay not to be positive happy go lucky 100% of the time.

    June 26, 2014 at 1:42 pm
  • Reply Cece

    I all can say is I'm sorry. I feel so sorry that you have to deal with it. It sucks and I'm glad you don't feel bad about saying so because it's totally your prerogative to do so. Don't give up. I hope that somebody comes up with something for you.

    June 26, 2014 at 3:16 pm
  • Reply Alison

    I'm so sorry that you're dealing with all of this pain and feeling so discouraged. I don't know *exactly* what you're going through, but as a fellow chronic illness/chronic pain sufferer, I can kind of understand. I hope that you can get some relief and that you find a team of physicians that will work together to help you feel as good as you can. I'll definitely be sending good throughts and prayers in your direction.

    I also really liked your "7 Things" video, although it was a bit blurry! 🙁 I'm also short (4'11") and do not have a "petite bone structure" either. Also, my husband is just over 6 feet tall, so we look kind of ridiculous, but in an adorable way. At least… that's what I tell myself. Adorable, not awkward! (I may be delusional.)

    Anyway, hope to see more videos from you soon, and I hope that you are taking care of yourself and feeling better.

    June 26, 2014 at 3:18 pm
  • Reply Sarah Farris

    I hope your appointment today goes well. I have chronic pain, but I can't imagine having it while I was so young–plus so many surgeries. You are hero! I know what it's like to leave the doctors office crying because they weren't able to help you, or have them be rude to you because they don't know how to help you. But, it's ok not to be happy-go-lucky about it everyday. I know that the pain has made me learn how to put on a really good "happy" face for a few hours, only to come home and just feel miserable. The show can be exhausting, too!

    June 26, 2014 at 4:43 pm
  • Reply gayle @ grace for gayle

    you have every right to feel the frustration full-on sometimes. thanks for being raw and real. truly hope this gets better for you. (((hugs)))

    June 26, 2014 at 4:54 pm
  • Reply The Girl who Loved to Write

    So so sorry. You have every right to feel that way, and sometimes getting all that frustration out in the open is the first step to getting to a positive state of mind.

    June 27, 2014 at 1:20 am
  • Reply Marla Rogers

    Keeping you in my thoughts ♥ You're a really strong person and I know you can get through this!

    July 1, 2014 at 5:19 pm
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