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Back in August, I wrote a post about dating with chronic conditions, such as pain or illness. There, I talk about disclosing your condition, how to do it, when to do it, tips for going on dates, dealing with ableism, and maintaining relationships. But before you get to everything I talk about in that post, you need to meet someone and go out with them! To help you get there, today I’m talking about how to create a great online dating profile – because it’s 2018 and most people meet someone through a dating app – as well as sharing a new dating site that you should check out if you have a chronic condition or life challenge! (More info on what that means down below).
Before we get into this, I bet you’re asking yourself a question right about now: What does Kate know about dating profiles that get responses? Well, not to brag, but my account on a dating site that I’ve been on for 2 years generally ranks in the top 30% of profiles that get responses. (I just signed up for Our Perfections, so we’ll have to see if that’s different.) I think I know my stuff about dating profiles. And now on to the tips!
General Dating Profile Tips
Show your personality – Anyone looking at your profile has no idea what type of person you are in real life. Your profile is all they know about you! (No pressure.) If you’re funny – or you’ve been told you are – be funny. If you’re sarcastic, be sarcastic. You can get this through in your answers to different prompts or questions that the dating site you’re on has or through your pictures.
Feature yourself as you are – Don’t try to be someone who you’re not. First of all, any attempted relationship that comes from you acting a different way than you actually are probably won’t last because the person you meet expected you to be a different way. Second of all, you should find someone who likes you for you. If you’re interested in a long-term partner, this is doubly true.
Going off of that … don’t lie – I’m going to assume that you’re not trying to catfish someone, okay? Okay. Basically, don’t say you’re a doctor if you’re a nurse (especially because a nurse is an awesome job no matter your gender). Don’t pretend you live in a mansion. But also don’t say that you love literature when you haven’t read a whole book in a year or more. Don’t claim to be a fan of classical music when you haven’t listened to it in years. You get the idea. It’s so easy to be someone else online, whether that me a completely different person or you just a little different. But that doesn’t mean you should! Again, if you’re looking for a long-term partner, you should be yourself.
Include interesting things about your life – You want to stand out! What is interesting about you? Do you have a cool job? Have you traveled to an awesome place? And if you’re a nerd like me, what makes you nerdy? I mention how I love early modern English lit. Are you a cosplayer? Do you have strong opinions about Harry Potter? I think you get the gist.
Choosing Photos for Your Dating Profile
Choose good quality photos of you – This refers to two separate elements: the photo quality is good (not blurry, etc.) and it’s a good picture of you. Hopefully the second one is obvious, so I’m not going into more detail on that. As for the photo quality, luckily now many phones take good quality photos. But a lot of them can’t take care of human error such as hands shaking while taking the photo or the person moving a bit while the photo is being taken. Make sure that your photos are clear and you look good!
Don’t have more than one group photo – You want people to know who you are. If all or 4/5 of your pictures are group pictures, they won’t be able to do that. Make sure that you don’t have mostly group photos, and that the ones that are just of you are especially good quality (in terms of photo quality not content quality).
Choose photos that clearly show you – Don’t have photos that cover your face, where you’re really tiny, etc.
Show your personality or your life – If you like to ski, post a picture of you skiing. As long as you have multiple other photos that show your face, having one that doesn’t – as long as it it’s to show you doing something you love – is okay. If you have pets, include a picture of you with them. If you’re a goofball, share a picture of you being a goofball.
Use relatively recent photos – If you had a beard three years ago but are clean-shaven now, you probably shouldn’t post a picture of you with a beard. But even if you haven’t changed a lot, you probably shouldn’t use pictures that are more than three years old.
No more than one selfie – This just makes it look like you don’t have any friends who could take a picture for you.
Want to get started on making a great dating profile? Check out Our Perfections.
Our Perfections is a dating site for people with health and/or life challenges. When I talked to the founder, Niko, he told me that life challenges is basically anything you would have to reveal to someone with whom you are in a relationship. Something I mentioned in my post about dating with chronic conditions is that it’s really hard finding someone who isn’t overwhelmed or freaked out by my chronic illness. One way to avoid that is to find someone who already deals with something similar to you, even if it’s just someone who knows what it’s like to live with chronic illness.
There are a couple of things that I really like about Our Perfections. 1: They have a page about safety tips to help you meet someone great without putting your safety at risk. 2: Your profile can include everything from your medical conditions to your pets, from your interests to what you watch and read. Basically, you can share a lot of information about what your life is like to help you find someone who fits in with yours. 3: You can indicate your opinions about certain important issues (whether or not you want kids, what your political beliefs are, etc.) as well as what sort of opinions you are looking for from a partner. For example, I want kids some day. I don’t want to waste my time on someone who doesn’t.
[bctt tweet=”Did you know about the new dating site for people with health and life challenges?” username=”kmitchellauthor”]
For the record, I made sure to check that they support all types of relationships. Additionally, they have a great system in place to deal with abuse. They don’t see every account’s personal conversations, but there is a filter in place to identify accounts that use certain terms; the list of terms is not public so that people can’t intentionally avoid using them. Once someone uses one of those terms, they are on a probationary watch, and if they use one again, they are banned for life. Obviously, systems like these are never perfect, so Our Perfections is committed to sending out regular emails reminding people to notify them of any inappropriate actions so immediate action can be taken and the filter can be updated if an inappropriate term was excluded. Plus, everyone has the opportunity to block anyone on the site as well as to report users.
According to Niko, Our Perfections is on par with OkCupid and Match.com (I have never used either, so I can’t confirm this). But I can say that it is definitely more detailed than any online dating site that I have used, which can be really helpful when you’re trying to find The One.
Currently, they only have the online site. The app will be up within several months. You can sign up here for free, but after your first month, it’s $8.99 per month.
What are your tips for a successful dating profile?
Like this post? Check out:
Dating with a Chronic Illness, Questions Not To Ask Someone with a Chronic Illness, Relationships and Chronic Pain, How To Talk about Your Chronic Illness
Kate Mitchell is a blogger, chronic illness patient, and advocate who helps people understand chronic illness and helps chronic illness patients live their best lives.
Wow what a great dating site. The idea behind it is so touching. I do have friends who might find Our Perfections really beneficial. Thanks for sharing these Kate! Though I am no longer in the dating journey, I do have very close friends who are still looking. Will definitely share this post with them.
Thanks! I hope it helps them.