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in Health · January 4, 2016

Loving Someone with Chronic Pain

There are an estimated 100 million Americans who live with chronic pain, so you can only imagine how many there are across the world. Let’s say that for every person who lives with it there is one who loves that person – whether it’s a spouse, a parent, a child, or a friend. That’s another 100 million. Now, you can’t know what it’s like living with it unless you do, and understanding what it’s like living with chronic pain dramatically affects how you treat someone who lives with it. This is one reason why I wanted to write this post: to help those of you who love someone with it know a bit more about what our lives are like and what you can do to help us, or at least don’t make us feel worse than we already do.

This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for supporting Kate the (Almost) Great!

Loving Someone with Chronic Pain: What You Should Know

What You Should Know about Living with Chronic Pain

Chronic Pain: What You Should Know

Living with pain is not straight forward: Every day is not the same. One day (or hour, even) we’re walking down the street completely fine, and the next we can hardly get out of bed. Sometimes we know exactly why it happens, and others we have no idea.

Pain affects how much energy we have in a day: It takes a lot of energy to be in pain all the time, and doing normal things takes more out of us than it does for a healthy person.

How is chronic pain different from acute pain?

We hate how our pain affects our lives (and yours): I hate that I need a wheelchair if I’m going to go to a museum or somewhere similar not only because that’s frustrating but also because that usually means that you have to push it. I hate that I often have to cancel plans, and even more so if that means that they’re with you or you’re affected by them.

So someone you know was diagnosed with inflammatory arthritis

It can be incredibly upsetting how much our lives are not like those of our age: When I was in college, most of my friends went out at least once a weekend, if not twice. I went out once a month, and even less frequently some semesters. I couldn’t drink for most of my college career, and can’t now, either. I never go out now, and I usually don’t go to events that start after 4. I live with my parents not just because I’m paying for grad school but also because I’m not healthy enough to live alone. My life is nowhere near equal to other 24 year olds.

What you should know about living with chronic pain Click To Tweet

What You Can Do if You Love Someone with Chronic Pain

Chronic Pain: What You Can Do for Someone Who Has It

Keep inviting us to things: Even if we can’t go, and you know we can’t go, we like to be invited.

Offer to come over and just watch Netflix: That way we can hang out with you without feeling the pressure to be “on”

Offer specific ways to help us (make dinner, run errands, etc.): If you just say, “Let me know how I can help!” we may feel uncomfortable asking for things. Offering specific ways you can help makes it more likely for us to accept your help.

Vocalize that we’re not a burden: I know this seems unnecessary, but it is so easy for us to think that we’re a burden on you if you don’t say it every now and then.

Tell us that you love us: Because everyone likes to hear this.

What you can do if you love someone with chronic pain Click To Tweet

For those with chronic pain, what else do you want people to know? For those who love someone with it, what questions to you have?

Loving someone with chronic pain: what you should know and what you can do Click To Tweet

Like this post? Check out:

Preparing for Chronic Pain Medial Appointments + Free Printables To Help, Pain and Cold Weather: Preparing for Chronic Pain this Winter, Managing Your Chronic Pain this Summer, Relationships and Chronic Pain

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Comments

  1. Ashley McCarthy says

    January 5, 2016 at 2:35 am

    As someone that doesn’t struggle with chronic pain, this guide was super helpful and informative! Sometimes, it is hard to emphasize until we truly understand on some scale, what others are dealing with. Thank you for making me a little bit more empathetic 🙂 I love your space!

    Reply
    • Kate Mitchell says

      January 11, 2016 at 12:16 pm

      I’m so glad! I hope it helps. The real thing to do is to understand what you don’t understand and ask questions.

      Reply
  2. Tayler says

    January 6, 2016 at 2:59 pm

    I have a husband who has MS…he doesn’t have chronic pain, but it is a chronic disease. It is hard some days, but I just try to be available to him those hard days.

    Reply
    • Kate Mitchell says

      January 11, 2016 at 12:15 pm

      That’s really the best thing you can do. Be available, offer specific ways to help, and love him as much as possible.

      Reply
  3. Sky says

    January 15, 2016 at 3:30 am

    Thanks for posting this. I have fibromyalgia, so all of this resonates with me. I especially loved how you mentioned that people could offer to come watch Netflix. Watching things with people is a way I can hang out with them while making sure I conserve my energy. And, like you said, I don’t have to be “on,” which is such a relief. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who does this. Thank you SO much for the entire post as well. I’m going to keep it around to share with my friends and family. 🙂

    Words aren’t coming easily at the moment, I really appreciate this post and the fact that you’re writing about chronic illness (which is something that’s super hard for me to do). It means a lot to me that you’re out there reminding people, like myself, that we’re not alone with our illness. So thank you tons. ♥

    Reply
  4. Dave Shrein says

    January 24, 2016 at 10:47 am

    Kate, this is incredibly helpful.

    I have been fortunate to live a peachy life as it relates to health and wellness. No one has died in my family of anything earlier than 65. None of my family has lived with chronic pain. I have never had any significant health issues.

    When I encounter a situation that has been foreign to me that requires sensitivity and intentionality, I often don’t know how to respond or react – though I desperately want to serve and honor those who are impacted by the situation.

    Your post has equipped me with tips to help and that’s great. But more than that, you’ve given me permission to interact in difficult to understand situations with confidence. That is huge!!!

    Thank you. I continue to follow your writings to become a better man and I pray you’ll continue to overcome the battle to equip the rest of us with permission to love with confidence.

    Reply
  5. Kenz @ Life According to Kenz says

    February 2, 2016 at 3:13 pm

    Another excellent post on chronic pain, Kate! Thank you for sharing your suggestions so vulnerably and straightforwardly. It is so appreciated and helpful! I love sharing your posts with friends/family members because you literally take the words right out of my mouth!

    Reply
  6. Shellyyum says

    February 3, 2016 at 8:26 am

    I have Bipolar Disorder Type 2 and the such, and while this is more of a mental illness, some physical aspects do exist, and so I understand this post. I wish my husband could read this, but regardless, I think he’s doing good for me, but it’s always good to remember these things. Thanks for posting!

    Reply

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I’m Kate, a millennial living in New England. I’m a writer and an advocate for people with chronic illnesses. Join me on my journey to greatness!

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3️⃣ Leaning on my closet door slightly because it's the only way I can really stay still for pictures ⁣
4️⃣ Wearing glasses because I can't wear contacts due to dry eyes, which is a side effect of many of my medications ⁣
5️⃣ Popsocket on my phone because I really can't keep a grasp on it due to my super arthritic hands ⁣
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[Image: Kate stands in front of a mirror on the inside of her closet door, taking a selfie in the mirror., She's a brunette white woman wearing jeans, a blue-and-white top, and round tortoiseshell glasses. She has a TENS unit clipped to her jeans.]
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Even once you're done with school, you should neve Even once you're done with school, you should never stop learning. That doesn't mean that you have to take classes! Learning can look however you want. ⁣
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You can learn a new skill. ⁣
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You can learn about the world by getting your news from different sources. ⁣
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There are so many ways to learn, and one of the great things about not being in school anymore is that you can learn about whatever you want and whatever interests you. ⁣
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What is something you've learned or learned about? ⁣
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I'm Kate, a chronic health blogger who blogs to help chronic illness patients and their loved ones. Follow me for more tips on living an awesome life with chronic illness! ⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣
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[Image: Kate sits in a gray chair, facing the camera. She's a brunette white woman wearing black pants, a white sweater, and round tortoiseshell glasses. She's holding an open book. Behind her on the walls are a couple of round mirrors.]
I've been missing rural Maine these days. While I I've been missing rural Maine these days. While I like being able to see people out and about in Boston, spending most of 2020 in rural Maine really reinforced how much my soul prefers country to the city. ⁣
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I'm Kate, a chronic health blogger who blogs to help chronic illness patients and their loved ones. Check out my blog at the link in my bio or go to katethealmostgreat.com.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
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Like I said on Monday, this has been a busy week. Like I said on Monday, this has been a busy week. But I made it through the week! And you almost have, too. ⁣
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Earlier this week, I published a new blog post with tips for new health bloggers. There are 12 in total! And then today I published a new blog post that is an FAQ for POTS. I'm answering questions that I've gotten a lot in my personal life as well as in my advocate life!⁣
⁣
Check these posts out by clicking the link in my bio or ➡ katethealmostgreat.com. ⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
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I'm Kate, a chronic health blogger who blogs to help chronic illness patients and their loved ones. Check out my blog at the link in my bio or go to katethealmostgreat.com.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
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[Image: Kate sits in a gray chair working on a silver laptop. She's a brunette white woman wearing a gray t-shirt, a lighter gray cardigan, and round tortoiseshell glasses. The t-shirt is mostly covered, but the text on it is CureArthritis.org.]
Piper and Harley want to make sure that you're tak Piper and Harley want to make sure that you're taking care of yourself. If you're not, they're not mad, they're disappointed. ⁣
⁣
In all seriousness, if you're struggling right now, that's okay. We're a year into the pandemic life, and it is 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 some days. Piper and Harley want to give you hugs, but they know that they can't jump through Instagram to make that happen. But know that they want to! ⁣
⁣
📸 @happydogsboston⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
⁣
I'm Kate, a chronic health blogger who blogs to help chronic illness patients and their loved ones. Follow me for more tips on living an awesome life with chronic illness! ⁣⁣⁣ ⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
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[Image: 2 dogs sit on a brick pathway. The one in front is a red-and-white cavalier King Charles spaniel. The one in the bag is a golden retriever.]
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There's a new blog post up today all about MEDIA K There's a new blog post up today all about MEDIA KITS! They are essential if you are a blogger or influencer who wants to make money from your work. Click the link in my bio to read or ➡ katethealmostgreat.com. ⁣
⁣
PS - My ebook for chronic health bloggers includes a Canva media kit template! That's just 1 of 11 resources in it, and the ebook is just $10. You can also find that at the link in my bio. ⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
⁣
I'm Kate, a chronic health blogger who blogs to help chronic illness patients and their loved ones. Follow me for more tips on living an awesome life with chronic illness! ⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
⁣
[Image: Kate sits at a desk working on a silver laptop. She's a brunette white woman and is wearing a pink tank dress and large brown glasses. In front of the camera, next to the laptop, is a blue-and-white coffee mug.]
💉 day! Grateful grateful grateful ◼️ [Im 💉 day! Grateful grateful grateful

◼️ 

[Image: Kate takes a selfie. She is a brunette white woman wearing a peach top, a mask, and round tortoiseshell glasses. She is sitting in a convention center holding a card that says “Thanks! For getting vaccinated.]
✨ VISIBLE SIGNS OF MY "INVISIBLE" DISABILITY ✨ ✨ VISIBLE SIGNS OF MY "INVISIBLE" DISABILITY ✨ ⁣
⁣
1️⃣ TENS unit clipped on my jeans to help my foot and ankle pain ⁣
2️⃣ Wearing sneakers because a) they're the only shoes I can really tolerate b) I have an indoors and an outdoors pair c) I have to wear sneakers/can't go barefoot for long because of my foot and ankle pain ⁣
3️⃣ Leaning on my closet door slightly because it's the only way I can really stay still for pictures ⁣
4️⃣ Wearing glasses because I can't wear contacts due to dry eyes, which is a side effect of many of my medications ⁣
5️⃣ Popsocket on my phone because I really can't keep a grasp on it due to my super arthritic hands ⁣
⁣
These are just some visible signs! Just because you don't see these things doesn't mean they aren't there if you look. Invisible disabilities aren't truly invisible. ⁣
⁣
➡ What are visible signs of your invisible disability? ⬅ ⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
⁣
I'm Kate, a chronic health blogger who blogs to help chronic illness patients and their loved ones. Check out my blog at the link in my bio or go to katethealmostgreat.com.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
⁣
[Image: Kate stands in front of a mirror on the inside of her closet door, taking a selfie in the mirror., She's a brunette white woman wearing jeans, a blue-and-white top, and round tortoiseshell glasses. She has a TENS unit clipped to her jeans.]
Harley and Piper's new album, coming this fall 😂 ⁣
⁣
Comment below with what you think their album would be named if this was the album cover ⬇ ⁣
⁣
📸 @happydogsboston ⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
⁣
I'm Kate, a chronic health blogger who blogs to help chronic illness patients and their loved ones. Check out my blog at the link in my bio or go to katethealmostgreat.com.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣
◾⁣
⁣
[Image: 2 dogs but from the perspective of down on the ground looking up at them. The dogs are on a brick pathway in Boston and behind them are classic Boston brownstones, trees without leaves, and a cloudy sky. One dog is a red-and-white cavalier King Charles spaniel, and her ears are flying back in the wind. The other is a golden retriever.]
Even once you're done with school, you should neve Even once you're done with school, you should never stop learning. That doesn't mean that you have to take classes! Learning can look however you want. ⁣
⁣
You can take up a new hobby. ⁣
⁣
You can learn a new skill. ⁣
⁣
You can learn about the world by getting your news from different sources. ⁣
⁣
There are so many ways to learn, and one of the great things about not being in school anymore is that you can learn about whatever you want and whatever interests you. ⁣
⁣
What is something you've learned or learned about? ⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
⁣
I'm Kate, a chronic health blogger who blogs to help chronic illness patients and their loved ones. Follow me for more tips on living an awesome life with chronic illness! ⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣
⁣
◾⁣
⁣
[Image: Kate sits in a gray chair, facing the camera. She's a brunette white woman wearing black pants, a white sweater, and round tortoiseshell glasses. She's holding an open book. Behind her on the walls are a couple of round mirrors.]
I've been missing rural Maine these days. While I I've been missing rural Maine these days. While I like being able to see people out and about in Boston, spending most of 2020 in rural Maine really reinforced how much my soul prefers country to the city. ⁣
⁣
I don't know what to do about that short-term, but it is helpful to know that my long-term goal of moving back to Maine (or at least not living long-term in the city) is in fact something that I will love. ⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
⁣
I'm Kate, a chronic health blogger who blogs to help chronic illness patients and their loved ones. Check out my blog at the link in my bio or go to katethealmostgreat.com.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
⁣
[Image: Looking at a lake that has a rock-filled "beach" with rocks going out to a point. The other side of the lake is filled with trees.]
Put on a full face of makeup for a small Easter ce Put on a full face of makeup for a small Easter celebration today. This is your reminder that while it's nice to dress up and look nice, celebrating in small ways is just as good as celebrating in big ones. Also, Jesus doesn't want you to risk your health or the health of others to celebrate. ⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
⁣
I'm Kate, a chronic health blogger who blogs to help chronic illness patients and their loved ones. Follow me for more tips on living an awesome life with chronic illness! ⁣⁣⁣ ⁣ ⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
⁣
[Image: Kate takes a selfie. She's a brunette white woman wearing a v-neck ribbed shirt, claddagh necklace, and round tortoiseshell glasses.] ⁣
⁣
#bostonbloggers #bostonian #bostonblogger #proptoit #myunicornlife #makemoments #acolorstory #makeyousmilestyle #liveunscripted #howyouglow #mybeautifulmess #choosejoy #influencehercollective #howiseeit #inspiredwomen #documentyourdays #momentsofmine #myeverydaymagic #darlingdaily #todayslovely #seekmoments #momentslikethese #posttheordinary #thatauthenticfeeling #discoverunder5k #BossGirlBloggers #ChronicIllnessBlogger #bostonma
Like I said on Monday, this has been a busy week. Like I said on Monday, this has been a busy week. But I made it through the week! And you almost have, too. ⁣
⁣
Earlier this week, I published a new blog post with tips for new health bloggers. There are 12 in total! And then today I published a new blog post that is an FAQ for POTS. I'm answering questions that I've gotten a lot in my personal life as well as in my advocate life!⁣
⁣
Check these posts out by clicking the link in my bio or ➡ katethealmostgreat.com. ⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
⁣
I'm Kate, a chronic health blogger who blogs to help chronic illness patients and their loved ones. Check out my blog at the link in my bio or go to katethealmostgreat.com.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
⁣
[Image: Kate sits in a gray chair working on a silver laptop. She's a brunette white woman wearing a gray t-shirt, a lighter gray cardigan, and round tortoiseshell glasses. The t-shirt is mostly covered, but the text on it is CureArthritis.org.]
Piper and Harley want to make sure that you're tak Piper and Harley want to make sure that you're taking care of yourself. If you're not, they're not mad, they're disappointed. ⁣
⁣
In all seriousness, if you're struggling right now, that's okay. We're a year into the pandemic life, and it is 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 some days. Piper and Harley want to give you hugs, but they know that they can't jump through Instagram to make that happen. But know that they want to! ⁣
⁣
📸 @happydogsboston⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
⁣
I'm Kate, a chronic health blogger who blogs to help chronic illness patients and their loved ones. Follow me for more tips on living an awesome life with chronic illness! ⁣⁣⁣ ⁣
⁣
◾ ⁣
⁣
[Image: 2 dogs sit on a brick pathway. The one in front is a red-and-white cavalier King Charles spaniel. The one in the bag is a golden retriever.]
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